I want to steal the Crypt Keeper from wherever he's being held. It makes me so sad to think of him in cold storage, inert, unpuppeteered, so full of ghoulish stories and ghastly puns, unheeded and unheard, gathering dust, dessicated and hardening, brittle and alone. Deader than undead. Ironically, a crypt is no place for the Crypt Keeper. He deserves to live.
Airport food. What do you mean €5 for a banana? €7 for a small bottle of water? One day, I just walked out with it in my hands without waiting in line. No one stopped me. It doesn’t feel like stealing, because I’ve already paid for all with the ones I’ve bought in the past.
I would steal Chanel ballet flats from Nordstrom, because im going to own those when I’ve made it, I would steal lunch plates from erewhon (every day), I would steal the car I had when I was a teenager (2009 Volkswagen Beetle) and I would steal seventeen iPhones
1. Dolce & Gabbana vintage pink capri pants with pin-up ladies from Alison's Archive in NY. There is a matching top but I'm not sure they have it, so I'd have to steal the top from someone else
2. Kali's (@102yla on instagram) black and purple Chloe Paddington. I have no choice but to steal it because it may be the only one in the world. I have this bag in white but I am unfulfilled.
3. I would pull a heist on the My Mum Made It warehouse or wherever they are keeping their new preorder collection. Wonder what jail is like in Australia
4. Devon Lee Carlson's floral Emanuel Ungaro top and skirt set posted on Instagram June 17th, 2024
5. A pair of my enemy's sunglasses (the sunglasses I stole were actually a pair of my own but for the sake of the narrative, they were hers) because I had a dream I did it and I felt pretty good about doing it so I would do it again
Maybe I'd steal the shirt back i left at her place that right away after leaving her house she filmed herself rubbing it in chocolate cake on concrete of her driveway. It was from ogbff said "ironically hot" and it was 50 bucks. Used to miss it not really my style anymore
I would steal a hotel key pass, not for the room itself but for the ammenities access and breakfast buffet because the high I get from the choice overload and the option to indulge allows me to enjoy myself without the pressure of going to extremities because my access might be finite. I recently ate alone at a hotel and found it fascinating to see who was there, what they chose and how they ate. Some rushed, some pondered, others took a coffee and left. Some knew this would come again while others treated the buffet as a holiday within itself. It said a lot about the person; what they chose, what order they ate in, at what pace and how they left. Did they eat with purpose, chat to a friend, peruse their phone? Many a guest greeted the room as us singleton all replied with a collective "hello", only to return to our uniform performances of breakfast.
I would steal the asteroid 16 Psyche. The minerals it consists of is estimated to cost $10,000 quadrillion. I would distribute this wealth to every human of Earth.
i am taking one silver fork from each household i encounter whose silverware i admire because it will be a reminder that i think very highly of their taste. and then i am keeping them in a collection separate from my own where any visitors of mine are welcome to use from this collection because stolen goods should be for all to enjoy. this would be especially great because i don’t like people using my personal silverware but i am not peeved enough by others using my forks to go out and purchase more forks for the specific use of visitors. although i am probably asking to take these forks instead of stealing them because i am not really a fan of theft, even if for selfish purposes (which are arguably the most important kinds of purposes). good communication is very important. anyways, it would probably be very flattering to know that someone liked your silverware so much that they asked you if they could take it, and would probably delight you so much that you would say yes. this would probably make that fork feel very special to be the chosen one out of that family of forks. i doubt anyone would deny me a fork.
thinking more about this however, i don’t really want anyone using my nice collection of unique collected forks so that will be an issue
I'd steal the last great joke before a male comic gets to it and sell it back to him at a 500% markup. I'd force him to read it off a teleprompter while I stand in the wings, looking at him like someone's disappointed, alcoholic stage mom. I'd get paid in installments, because he's still paying off podcast equipment.
Also, I guess like, Keith Richard's full wardrobe.
Easy. The mid-sized dusty rose distressed leather purse adorned with costume jewels a la Madonna's belt on the "Like a Prayer" cover that I saw at a rest stop in Mesquite, Nevada during a road trip. It was perfect—straight out of an era of Americana kitsch that you don't really find in the places that birthed such kitsch in the first place anymore. It's been 9 months and I still think about it. It was $50 and in hindsight worth every cent but I didn't want to spend the money at the time. To steal it? Well...
I steal a sense of shame from any member of the catholic church.
God knows I need it more!
My second pick would have been self worth…
Not only does GOD know I need it, so does every single person in the group chat, okay, they are BEGGING me to grow a backbone like my mother begged me to grow my bangs out when she saw the Crash Out Micro Bangs™
There is also the obvious, glaring example of Person Who Knows I Have 0 Self Worth being Every Single Individual Who Has Ever Used The Guise of Loving Me When They Really Just Wanted a Hype Team.
If I had shame I wouldn’t need the self worth! - I’d let the embarrassment that I was getting walked all over end the situation before I even let the value I placed on myself enter the equation.
a sense of shame is a premeditated protection.
Yes- it is time for us all to steal back some shame, and we can start by clawing it out of the Catholic Churches’ clutches!
Imagine having a near monopoly on guilt for a millennia, and all you have to show for it is 7382384 child sexual abuses and Conclave.
I would do SO MUCH GOOD with an exaggerated sense of shame- I’d sprinkle my surplus stash right on top of the current cabinet.
Shame & the Guillotine: what the world really is missing. Vintage is always in.
Your heart. Because it’s priceless ❤️
I want to steal the Crypt Keeper from wherever he's being held. It makes me so sad to think of him in cold storage, inert, unpuppeteered, so full of ghoulish stories and ghastly puns, unheeded and unheard, gathering dust, dessicated and hardening, brittle and alone. Deader than undead. Ironically, a crypt is no place for the Crypt Keeper. He deserves to live.
Airport food. What do you mean €5 for a banana? €7 for a small bottle of water? One day, I just walked out with it in my hands without waiting in line. No one stopped me. It doesn’t feel like stealing, because I’ve already paid for all with the ones I’ve bought in the past.
I feel this so hard. Also, they don’t pay employees to check you out anymore 🤷♀️
I would steal Chanel ballet flats from Nordstrom, because im going to own those when I’ve made it, I would steal lunch plates from erewhon (every day), I would steal the car I had when I was a teenager (2009 Volkswagen Beetle) and I would steal seventeen iPhones
Elon's ketamine supply. And then I would dump it in the Hudson.
1. Dolce & Gabbana vintage pink capri pants with pin-up ladies from Alison's Archive in NY. There is a matching top but I'm not sure they have it, so I'd have to steal the top from someone else
2. Kali's (@102yla on instagram) black and purple Chloe Paddington. I have no choice but to steal it because it may be the only one in the world. I have this bag in white but I am unfulfilled.
3. I would pull a heist on the My Mum Made It warehouse or wherever they are keeping their new preorder collection. Wonder what jail is like in Australia
4. Devon Lee Carlson's floral Emanuel Ungaro top and skirt set posted on Instagram June 17th, 2024
5. A pair of my enemy's sunglasses (the sunglasses I stole were actually a pair of my own but for the sake of the narrative, they were hers) because I had a dream I did it and I felt pretty good about doing it so I would do it again
Maybe I'd steal the shirt back i left at her place that right away after leaving her house she filmed herself rubbing it in chocolate cake on concrete of her driveway. It was from ogbff said "ironically hot" and it was 50 bucks. Used to miss it not really my style anymore
The US nuclear codes (I would eat them so they'd remain forever inscrutable)
I would steal a hotel key pass, not for the room itself but for the ammenities access and breakfast buffet because the high I get from the choice overload and the option to indulge allows me to enjoy myself without the pressure of going to extremities because my access might be finite. I recently ate alone at a hotel and found it fascinating to see who was there, what they chose and how they ate. Some rushed, some pondered, others took a coffee and left. Some knew this would come again while others treated the buffet as a holiday within itself. It said a lot about the person; what they chose, what order they ate in, at what pace and how they left. Did they eat with purpose, chat to a friend, peruse their phone? Many a guest greeted the room as us singleton all replied with a collective "hello", only to return to our uniform performances of breakfast.
I’d steal a snickers bar from a 7-11 or gas station. Eating stolen candy tastes the best.
maybe sour patch kids too
I would steal the asteroid 16 Psyche. The minerals it consists of is estimated to cost $10,000 quadrillion. I would distribute this wealth to every human of Earth.
i am taking one silver fork from each household i encounter whose silverware i admire because it will be a reminder that i think very highly of their taste. and then i am keeping them in a collection separate from my own where any visitors of mine are welcome to use from this collection because stolen goods should be for all to enjoy. this would be especially great because i don’t like people using my personal silverware but i am not peeved enough by others using my forks to go out and purchase more forks for the specific use of visitors. although i am probably asking to take these forks instead of stealing them because i am not really a fan of theft, even if for selfish purposes (which are arguably the most important kinds of purposes). good communication is very important. anyways, it would probably be very flattering to know that someone liked your silverware so much that they asked you if they could take it, and would probably delight you so much that you would say yes. this would probably make that fork feel very special to be the chosen one out of that family of forks. i doubt anyone would deny me a fork.
thinking more about this however, i don’t really want anyone using my nice collection of unique collected forks so that will be an issue
bob dylan's notes app
I'd steal the last great joke before a male comic gets to it and sell it back to him at a 500% markup. I'd force him to read it off a teleprompter while I stand in the wings, looking at him like someone's disappointed, alcoholic stage mom. I'd get paid in installments, because he's still paying off podcast equipment.
Also, I guess like, Keith Richard's full wardrobe.
I want this badly https://www.tiffany.com/gifts/baby-gifts/elsa-peretti-padova-bubble-blower-14952616/
Easy. The mid-sized dusty rose distressed leather purse adorned with costume jewels a la Madonna's belt on the "Like a Prayer" cover that I saw at a rest stop in Mesquite, Nevada during a road trip. It was perfect—straight out of an era of Americana kitsch that you don't really find in the places that birthed such kitsch in the first place anymore. It's been 9 months and I still think about it. It was $50 and in hindsight worth every cent but I didn't want to spend the money at the time. To steal it? Well...
IF I COULD STEAL ANYTHING I WANT FROM ANYWHERE-
I steal a sense of shame from any member of the catholic church.
God knows I need it more!
My second pick would have been self worth…
Not only does GOD know I need it, so does every single person in the group chat, okay, they are BEGGING me to grow a backbone like my mother begged me to grow my bangs out when she saw the Crash Out Micro Bangs™
There is also the obvious, glaring example of Person Who Knows I Have 0 Self Worth being Every Single Individual Who Has Ever Used The Guise of Loving Me When They Really Just Wanted a Hype Team.
If I had shame I wouldn’t need the self worth! - I’d let the embarrassment that I was getting walked all over end the situation before I even let the value I placed on myself enter the equation.
a sense of shame is a premeditated protection.
Yes- it is time for us all to steal back some shame, and we can start by clawing it out of the Catholic Churches’ clutches!
Imagine having a near monopoly on guilt for a millennia, and all you have to show for it is 7382384 child sexual abuses and Conclave.
I would do SO MUCH GOOD with an exaggerated sense of shame- I’d sprinkle my surplus stash right on top of the current cabinet.
Shame & the Guillotine: what the world really is missing. Vintage is always in.