Ryan O'Connell's Love/Hate List
40 things the Emmy award winning writer Ryan O'Connell Loves and Hates
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Dream Baby Press asked Ryan O’Connell or a list of 20 things he loves and 20 things he hates.
Ryan O'Connell is an Emmy-award-winning writer, producer, and, bravely, an actor. He created and starred in the Netflix show Special, successfully solving the disability representation problem in Hollywood once and for all. He's also written for TV shows like Will & Grace, The Babysitters Club, and Queer as Folk. He's won almost every award you can get for being a gay working creative in Hollywood.
Scroll to the bottom of the page for Ryan’s 3 favorite films, 3 favorite books and 3 favorite restaurants.
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THINGS RYAN O’CONNELL LOVES:
1. Opiates. I was addicted to them for most of my twenties and would never recommend doing them unless you want to ruin your life and/or die. But there’s nothing like being high on Percocet at 23 and bathing in the sun at Sheep Meadow before walking back downtown (you will not feel the blisters forming on your feet) only stopping to vomit in a Starbucks bathroom. It’s heaven before the hell.
2. Shoegaze. It’s the only music I really listen to. The fuzzy guitars of My Bloody Valentine, the dreamy vocals of Slowdive. I have a lot of stereotypical faggot qualities (can’t do math, iced coffee in winter) but I am not a pop music gay.
3. When people are good at their jobs. I’m a Virgo which means I am detail-oriented and LOVE to work. I have no tolerance for ineptitude or laziness! I’ve never felt spiritually connected to Kim Kardashian because I find her to be Snooze-y Kurtz but it did resonate when she said nobody wants to fucking work anymore.
4. having sex with a 55 year old gay guy. I love getting railed by an older man. Bonus points if they spent too long baking in the sun, like a melted decadent dessert. I like them because their clay has dried. They know who they are. In my community, they are known as daddies. But, honestly, sometimes they just feel like dad!
5. Being in love lmao. I’ve been with my partner for 11 years and I’m still obsessed with him. 10/10, would recommend finding the peanut butter to your jelly.
6. writing (but actually.) I always feel embarrassed when I tell people I love to write. I don’t find the experience torturous at all. Even the frustrating parts are interesting. It’s all necessary, all information. Does this mean I’m doing it wrong?
7. walking 90 blocks in an afternoon. I miss living in New York so much and when I go back I basically block off every afternoon for walking. I love the sensation of being alone but surrounded by stimuli. That’s my favorite part of the city: being alone without feeling lonely.
8. Waymo. I don’t drive because I have cerebral palsy and neurological disorders and cars don’t mix. That meant for 12 years in LA I relied on Uber i.e. I was being driven around in a Toyota Sienna, being charged five dollars per block, while a stranger asked me if I could give notes on their script. Now I am driven by Computer and I am so relaxed that sometimes I will take it to Venice Beach from my house in Echo Park just to “have a break.” (Still, I realize Computer is evil and AI is going to kill us all.)
9. Spending money to be hot. I started dabbling in the cosmetic arts this year. (Shoutout Casey Welk!) I tell Casey that I randomly like the way I look. I have no interest in looking younger. I just want to be...hotter. So far this has meant getting my blood drawn and then stabbed back into my face and also getting microneedling. What is microneedling? IDK. It’s none of my business.
10. googling the olsen twins. I grew up with the olsens (not literally but we’re the same age) and they have me in a goddamn chokehold. No one is chicer than Mary Kate circa 2008-2012. Have you seen interviews of her trying to talk during this period? She has this Valley girl stoner drawl that is intoxicating.
11. Making a new friend in your thirties. It’s a shame that as we become more who we are, the time to meet like-minded individuals decreases. The bar to enter my life is high. I’m busy. And if I’m not busy, I’m in bed reading non-fiction from gay guys who died of AIDS. So to meet someone so dazzling that I’m like, “You know what? There’s room for one more..” well, it’s life-affirming.
12. Addison Rae. I know I said I don’t do pop. Addison is the exception. Her album has me in a trance. To me, it sounds like dream pop. Madonna Ray of Light meets Hooked on Phonics. But, really, I’m enthralled with Addison the person. She just seems so...unbothered. I don’t think she even knows Trump is president.
13. Provincetown. I go every summer and cram seven years of life into one week. It’s libidinous but also pure. Wholesome meets holesome.
14. Swingsets. As a 39-year-old gay man, I still go on the swings. For hours. Like, till my hands develop blisters. I find it meditative.
15. Being young in New York during the Obama years. The last gasp of life before smartphones. Our biggest issue was being jealous of Lena Dunham. Take me back.
16. Living my life like a bottle episode. As I get older, less and less of my life feels like it belongs to me anymore. It belongs to work, obligations, my partner. In the last few years, I’ve developed a quirky habit of flying to places I don’t live (Carmel, Portland, Minneapolis?) ostensibly to write but really to lay in a hotel room, watch episodes of Chopped, and enjoy a weekend that is not serialized or connected to my life in any kind of way.
17. Watching people have nervous breakdowns online. I don’t mean this in a snarky way. Everybody’s virtual footprint is so edited these days. Nobody seems honest. So watching someone who’s clearly going through it become uncensored weirdly makes me feel more connected to humanity.
18. A man with a fat ass. Whenever I see a straight guy with a fat ass, I get sad because you know their girlfriend is not engaging with it. That ass should be donated to a gay guy with a flat ass. It’s only fair.
19. Kim Hale. She’s this 58-year-old woman who moved to New York to fulfill her dream of being on Broadway. Her content often feels like Christopher Guest performance art but I think she’s being genuine. I love watching delusion and confidence. (From afar.)
20. My gyms. I belong to three in Los Angeles. Which technically means I’m poly.
THINGS RYAN O’CONNELL HATES:
1. unearned intimacy. People in LA. love to perform closeness, usually as a way to get something. I find the behavior to be so bizarre and off-putting. Honey, you don’t know me like that. PUT THE FRIENDSHIP BRACELET DOWN.
2. alcohol. I leapfrogged addictions from percocet to alcohol. But even during my “honeymoon period” with booze, I was like, why am I poisoning myself to feel good for two hours and then horrible for 12? alcohol is ethanol and it is a scam that is lifted up by capitalism! enough!
3. palm springs. as a gay guy, i’m legally required to spend 18 days a year in an airbnb in palm springs. i’ve never understood the appeal. bad food, a lost souls quality. i recently booked a weekend there, hoping I would finally get it. I got there, had someone fuck me in their mobile home, ate a burger at bar cecil and was like, “Okay, I’m good.”
4. when straight people refer to their significant other as their partner. My culture is not your costume.
5. when people lie about something being good for clout. Like, whenever a friend posts something like, “YOU MUST GO SEE *INSERT MOVIE/TV SHOW/THEATER” I always slide into the DMs and say “Really?” and they usually respond “no” or “meh it’s okay.” STOP LYING. If you see something, don’t say something!
6. when you take a cialis and the hookup falls through. the first time i took cialis, i went to dinner with this guy, knowing we were going to fuck after. halfway through the meal, we realized both our boyfriends were at our apartments and we had nowhere to rail. we literally ended up dry humping each other in the vestibule (great word, btw) of the restaurant and then i walked home with a rock hard erection.
7. the performance of being a misanthrope. not liking people or being relieved when plans get cancelled does not make you interesting or smart.
8. promoting my work. I hate it. it’s like asking people to go to 4,000 of your birthday parties.
9. the massage therapist who whispered in my ear “don’t give up.” being disabled, people say wild shit to me about my body unprovoked. i’m literally calling cedars to see if there’s available beds for them.
10. when people are cooler online than they are in real life. so many people have relied on memes to fill in the gaps on their boring personality and you meet them IRL and realize they have the charisma of styrofoam. the better you are URL, the worse you are IRL, IMO.
11. people who don’t ask you questions about yourself. it’s an epidemic and we need a vaccine.
12. insecure tops. it’s like a nervous pilot. i need to know you’re gonna land the plane or at least pretend!
13. when bad people succeed. unfortunately, being a sociopath in the entertainment business is not a deterrent. it’s an asset.
14. most celebrities they’ve made in the last three years. they need to go back to the factory. these models aren’t working.
15. when you introduce yourself to somebody and they say “we’ve met.” i have face blindness. okay? i once didn’t recognize my own brother at a party. let me live!
16. needing dumb people to give me money to make my work. my fate often rests in the hands of somebody named “Kiara” or “Ralph” and it makes me sad.
17. When you go to a restaurant and they say “have you been here before? because we do things a little differently around here...” and it turns out they just make you order seven plates per person like every other restaurant.
18. The discourse. Any kind. We are not meant to know this many people’s thoughts and feelings.
19. Group chats. I hate texting (it’s ableist) and when people non-consensually add me to a group chat, I wanna KMS.
20. When you post a picture from a new city and somebody slides into your DMs and says, “You’re here?!”
